Merry Christmas, Evan <3
We hope you had a wonderful and joyous Christmas this year.
This Christmas felt different. I had some time to bake (although I couldn’t eat any of it). We got our Christmas shopping done before we normally do, and in plenty of time for Christmas. My work situation didn’t seem as stressful as it usually is this time of year (still more to come though). And, we decorated this year (and I actually kind of wanted to).
It was interesting. It felt just as hard as years past, and there were definite ups and downs. But, we got a little more into it this year and were able to enjoy it more than usual. Probably for a multitude of reasons, but much of which I will give myself a pat on the back for. The way I’ve been eating and attempting to manage myself and my stress, and practicing mindfulness, are honestly I think mostly to blame. In a good way. And as I’m doing more and more research and tweaking my lifestyle accordingly, I hope that it will continue to help. Not only emotionally mentally, and with stress, but especially physically (and most importantly).
This year was one of the most unpredictable years in a while. Losing 2 more babies for unknown (and seemingly no genetic reason) is beyond my comprehension. It was not lost of Daddy and me this season that you and your siblings (both thought to be girls, but only one known for sure to be) now outnumber us as far as who’s there and who’s here. That is a very uneasy feeling.
This next year more and more feels like a make it or break it year for us. I try not to focus on the next week, month, or year for that reason, but that feels like the reality. We will take things day by day as much as we can. But I don’t know how many more kicks we can take before we break. We shall see.
And one more thing. I think by now you have most likely been reunited with Jenny (“Mama Jenny” as you may call her). Please give her the biggest hug and kiss from us. She has such a big place in our hearts and yours. She is a dear friend and an inspiration to us everyday. One of the last things she said to me face to face earlier this year was “you will have what you need when you need it.” That had come up several times in the several years we knew her. It is something that helped her through tough times, among other things, she would say. And I think about it a lot. And her. Just make sure you give her that hug and kiss <3
We love you so much and miss you immensely. Day-by-day we go. We’ll make it through until one day we’ll be reunited with you (all three of you). What a freakin’ awesome day that will be…