Evan was born 4 years ago this past Tuesday. Four years. Yep, I cannot quite comprehend that.
It’s so surreal.
Was it all a dream? It feels that way sometimes.
We had a beautiful day planned yesterday.
For weeks, I wanted to plan on us getting out into nature and enjoying what was hopefully going to be a beautiful spring day on Evan’s birthday. The weather in our area has been so wonderful the last couple of weeks. I have been trying to get outside as much as possible and take advantage before the high temperatures and humidity kick in. I draw so much energy and peacefulness from being outside.
We agreed that we could go hiking in the mountains for the day. The weather cooperated very nicely. In fact, it was actually a little chilly. The sun was out all day. There was a fairly strong breeze. It was absolutely beautiful.
We went to Crabtree Falls in Nelson County Virginia. It was about a 2-hour trip, one way. Once we started getting into the mountains and off the beaten path, we kept pointing out places where we could build a house. “Oh, right there. Yep, drop a house right there and I would be happy.” “Look at that view!” We love the mountains, and would probably live there if it wouldn’t mean moving away from our family and close friends.
It was fairly crowded for a weekday, but it was also some of the kids’ spring breaks around here. We had packed a lunch for when we reached the top.
We both realized very quickly that we were way out of shape. No surprise there, but it felt good in a way. I think we started out pretty fast too. Our lungs starting burning a little. But then it got better and we made it to the top in just over an hour (stopping many times to take pictures), with us both feeling pretty good. On our way up, we decided we should do this once a month or something – just to get out in the nice weather and stay more active. Walking around the block at home is just not the same!
We had a very nice lunch at the top. We sat there for a little while, just sitting, talking, hanging out and cuddled up. We talked about Evan a lot during the day, and all of the things we would be doing and places we would be going. It was chilliest at the top, with no more towering trees all around us. We could only stay but 45 minutes or so at the top because we only had on light jackets. Coming down made me feel old, with my knees taking the brunt of the work.
It was such a wonderful idea (if I do say so myself)! It was a great workout, it was a beautiful day, and we got to spend it out in nature, connecting more to our little man and each other and just soaking up all the goodness.
Then, we came home. I got to go to acupuncture, and then we ended the day with a nice, quiet dinner out (to one of the few places I can eat). Special thanks to everyone who took time to wish Evan a happy birthday It means so much to us.
It was a pretty awesome day spent thinking and talking about our boy, enjoying each other, and reflecting.
Fast forward to the days after Evan’s birthday. They have hit me like a ton of rocks. I’m borderline functioning. Everything is stressing me out. The anxiety is out of control. All of the commitments we’ve made, I want or feel the need to break. This is just how it is for us. The day of “big” days are usually OK. The days after are heavy. And that is OK. But, I wish there wasn’t so much going on right now, so that I could just get through the day and just sink into these feelings. Fighting it is not good. Feeling it is hard, but SO necessary. I don’t like having to balance the two.
Happy 4th Birthday!!!
We miss you so very much down here. Things have not gotten easier. In some ways, things feel harder. But I guess our coping skills have gotten better. We definitely feel different than we did a couple of years ago (even last year), but it’s just as hard, just in a different way – if that makes sense. Thank you for giving us such a beautiful day to celebrate YOU. We couldn’t have asked for a better day.
We are so lucky to have had you in our lives. You have enriched our lives in ways we never thought possible, and continue to do so to this day. We hope you had a wonderful birthday, and hope you stretch it out to a birthday week!
Many hugs and kisses!!
Mom and Dad