“How long do you want to be loved? Is forever enough?…” <3 Dixie Chicks
Today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day.
Tonight, I light my three candles for the three babies I hold in my heart, and all of the children gone too soon.
Evan Daniel 3/29/12 – 4/23/12
Tater Tot (“Tot”)-April 2015
I wish to share tonight how much each of them is dearly loved and missed. I know so many other moms, dads, and families whose hearts ache each and every day, missing children that were taken too soon or that they were never able to meet. I think of them tonight as well, and hold them so very close to my heart. And it pains me to know how many others there are out there.
What rises out of all of this pain and loss is love. That is the common component. You cannot have great pain without great love, as they say. At least this is what I know to be true.
This year has been a roller coaster of joy and hope, to heartache and emptiness. I have learned a lot. Some things I wished I hadn’t. I don’t know how equipped I am yet to write about our most recent losses, as well as how this past year has evolved for us. I definitely want to. I have been lovingly encouraged by others to write. I will.
I feel like I either have an overwhelming amount to share and process, or I am not quite sure how to start putting words together.
The pain is heavy. It has piled upon itself. There do not always seem to be three separate piles of pain, like you might think. It just seems to stack on itself, causing older, scabbed wounds to rip open.
But in other ways, and at different times, I feel each wound as its own separate space.
See, I feel a little all over the place. Which, as my mindfulness practices will tell me, means I need to write :)
I just have to figure out where to start…
Thank you everyone for your continued love, support, and hugs <3