Evan,

Happy Birthday little man!  The 29th seems to come so quickly from month to month.  You are 17 months old today.

I wonder if you are growing up in Heaven, or if you are staying 26 days old? 

I wonder what you would look like now.  How big would you be?  What types of things would you be getting into?  What things would you like?  I can guess on these things.  I can close my eyes and see you running around the house getting into stuff. I can see us as a family of 3, playing together.  I can see your smile and your big, bright eyes.  I can hear your laugh.

And then I open my eyes, and our house looks nothing like a little boy lives here.  Our life to outsiders looks nothing like “normal” parent lives.  But, I feel you in my heart.  I know you are there.  I feel your love all the time. How can I feel so empowered and filled with your love, yet my arms feel so empty. It is a difficult feeling for sure.

You are nearly a year and a half old. How did that happen?

I am going to get in bed now. I am going to close my eyes and picture you. I am going to listen to you laugh and giggle and squeal. I am going to marvel at how old you are getting.

Mommy and Daddy love you so very much. We miss you in a way we can’t fully explain. Happy 17 months little one!! We can’t wait to see you again 🙂

XOXOXOXOXOXO